‘Mistakes, I’ve made a few…’ Hang on, that’s another song, but Frank sure knew how to sing about the scary stuff. In fact I have made more than a few mistakes and in making so many mistakes I think I have now come up with a formula to get through them which involves, you guessed it, facing the music.
Mistakes weigh heavy on the mind. Especially if we notice them before anyone else does. I have wasted days of worry time wondering what is going to happen when/if (when) someone finds out and how I am going to deny all knowledge/accept responsibility. I have to say though, that for someone who spends their whole life running (figuratively of course not literally) when it comes to the crunch I’m pretty good at heeding the Reverend Mother’s advice and not using the convent to hide from my problems – I face them, head on.
It took me several years, but nowadays I am the first to admit to making mistakes – in fact I foolishly often take responsibility for other people’s mistakes because I’d rather just deal with a problem and find a solution than spend hours bickering over who is to blame. But when it is my fault, when I have done something wrong or even if it is something which simply could be perceived to be wrong, I step up. I am not for a moment saying it is easy and sometimes it takes me a bit longer than I would like. I know the feeling of anticipation well…I have trouble breathing, trouble staying in my head, trouble thinking about what’s to come. I know from experience that a situation is rarely as bad as you anticipate. When I find myself in these situations my thoughts always drift to the image of Scarlett O’Hara in her scarlet dress entering the Wilkes house after she has humiliated herself and Airshley by throwing herself at him, she knows that they all know and everyone is looking at her, judging her, waiting for the situation to explode but then I remember Melly’s reaction to her and her kindness in forgiving Scarlett, treating her like a sister, understanding her. Good old Melly understood that everyone makes mistakes.
Making mistakes is very important, as is being forgiven for them or seeking forgiveness at least. I can’t be more specific on what has inspired this post but I can say, that in the long term I don’t regret any of my mistakes….they are all building blocks to who I am and I’m ok with that, because if you’re not ok with yourself then you won’t be ok with anything. Of course, at the time I make the mistake I harbour massive regrets and self loathing and angst just like everyone else but I try to make sure it doesn’t last and I am learning to let it go. After all, *cliché alert* life’s too short, we only get one chance, live and let live, all’s fair in love and war, nothing ventured nothing gained, time heals all wounds, a stitch in time saves nine (I never understood that last one – if someone could explain it I’d be very grateful!)
It would be a lot easier if we simply didn’t make mistakes in the first place and of course this is a state I aspire to, and am certain I’ll get there one day….nope, who am I fooling, I’m fully aware that I am an idiot and I will continue to make mistakes until the day I die, but what I can work on is the way I deal with them.
So chest out, head up, eyes front, ready to take responsibility, time to own up, and in doing so, own your mistake so you can own whatever redress is necessary and your recovery from it. Or if all else fails get drunk and do a dance, I’ve found it works equally well.